Once upon time Lord Suitov and Jiana Jade fell threw a portal and moved to a new planet where there was no magic but there was a film country just like Hollywood. Suitov became a famous film star with lots of money and fans and a private jet and he married Jiana and they had two children called Hermione Lana and Cory Lex and they had a Porsche and three Ferraris and lived happily in their His 'n Hers mansions in the hollywood hills.

Then one day Jiana had a secret and kept sneaking away and Suitov was trying to find out what it was but she wouldn't tell him. "Trust me honey you don't want to know." Then one day a helicopter snuck up from behind the "H" in Hollywood and caught Jiana in a net. "Oh no the Black Rose has found me. Somebody help!"

When Suitov heard about it on the news he get really mad and put on all black clothes and a long leather duster and took a lot of weapons and guns and a motorbike. It had a sidecar for his dog. He rode and flew into the back of a jet which opened up and flew real low along the freeway. Then he immobilized the pilot and flew to antartica.

When they got to antartica Suitov parked the plane "It's cold out there and it's about to get colder. Are you ready tiger?" He put on some mirrored shades and had gelled his hair back and stepped outside with his coat tails blowing all around in the wind and snow and his dog looming behind him with glowing red eyes. They were going to get his wife back ready or not.

At the same time Jiana woke up in a cell "Oh no where am I. You monsters!" she screamed and screamed for an hour then she thought and worked out a plan to escape. When the guard came in Jiana fell over and pretended to die and the guard came over to loosen her shirt. That was when Jiana got the hand cuff chain around the guard's neck and they fought and she knocked the guard out and chained her instead and stole her uniform.

"Aren't you a little flat chested for a prison trooper?" Jiana said while she struggling to make the shirt fasten. She put on the guard's cap too and it looked real adorable on her. Then she went to complete her mission.

Suitov got into the front door of the fortress and had a gun battle with guards which he defeated using two guns at one time and his dog tripped up one of the guards when the guard was running in the way and the guard fell over.

Suitov put his boot on the guard's neck and said "Where is she and if you have to ask Who you will be deemed too stupid to live". So the guard said "Cells... 4th... floor please don't... kill me... I'm only... following orders." Suitov said "Look where following orders gets you. If I were you I'd consider a change in career. Something safer like lion taming." Then he grinned out of the corner of his mouth and the light reflected off his teeth and shades and then he whoosed off to the elevators.

He had to knock out 15 guards before reaching the elevator with his dog close behind. The dog was carrying a sanwich one of the guards had brought for their lunch. Suitov stood with his hands clasped behind him while the elevator went up and then he said "4th floor, electronics, kitchenware and kidnapped redheads."

He came out of the elevator and ran into another guard and they were about to knock each other out when Suitov lifted up his shades and said "Jiana!", and it was her.

"Ice you shouldn't have come." "I see you have the situation in hand, but don't I at least get credit for making the effort?" "That smart mouth is going to get you in to trouble some day, I suppose you can tag along since you're already here." "Very well, you can fill me in on the way." Suitov's dog followed them licking mayo off his nose and wondering if there was any cola to wash the sanwich down with.

"You see Ice, I have been tracking this criminal organization for some time now. They have a superconductor and they plan to use it to steal the world's oil and hold the world leaders to ransom before they pour it into the sea." "Very slick. But let me guess, someone spilled?" "Yes an informant told someone and I was sent to investigate. Sorry honey but I just couldn't tell you, the fate of the world was on the line." "A bigger sort of stake than your usual." "Judging by the puns you must really be mad at me." "I am, we'll talk about it later though. I take it this is the correct door." "It must be, the silver skulls on the doorposts are twice as big and tacky. as the others. And in the eyes, are those rubies?"

Red light glinted off Suitov's shades. "Get down!" he shouted in a commanding voice, his dog through himself aside and Suitov dragged Jiana down just before the silver skulls fired deadly lasers at them. Suitov rolled and took his gun and shot the eyes of the skull and they stopped glowing and went out. "Socket to me, pray do." Suitov got back to his feet pushing his shades back up his nose.

"I don't think much of the welcome so far." Jiana dusted off her guard uniform. Suitov said "It means we're close. Stay near me and let's see what else our gracious hosts have sent HEADing our way." Jiana nodded. "Give me a gun." "I beg your pardon, how inconsiderate of me." Suitov gave her a .45 and Jiana slid one of his knives into her boot. They went up to the door and on the count of three they both kicked it open.

Inside was a man in an all white suit and he had a white fedora down over one eye and a scar going down from the corner of his mouth. In front of him one of the guards had got Suitov's dog in a head lock and had a gun to his head. The man in white said "That's far enough." Suitov froze at once and another guard took his gun and held it to his back. Jiana put her hands over her head.

Jiana said "Inteligenzia I might have known it was you all along." The man in white laughed and half took off his hat to her. "Jiana my dear you were easy to fool, you and that predictable pretty boy partner of yours." "Well, when you put it so alliteratively," Suitov said. The guard hit him in the ribs with the gun butt "Quiet!" and Suitov wheezed and shut up.

"Now you two and your little dog too are all at my mercy!"

MORE TO COME IF I GET 5 REVIEWS!!!

Needless to say, I hope she gets five reviews. ^_^

"Yes, I am saying I'd never guessed." Jaina folded her arms across her chest. The interesting things that did to the swell of her breasts, along with the touch of pique in her voice, stirred yet more of those feelings that he couldn't fully understand.

"Come on, Jade. I thought you knew, that's all. You kept making those backhanded comments about me being jealous."

"Yeah, of me! Jealous of me. I'd have never thought you were jealous of..." She caught his eye. "Of him. Of Ice."

"More fool you. And lucky Ice... yet again. Always lucky. Looks, loot and ladies, right? What more could you want in a man?" So why are you here, miss tall and red avenger? Why here, with me?

"Why don't you tell me, Weft? What can you offer that Suitov can't?"

He let his eyes wander down her long legs while he figured out what to say. Those long, muscled legs in her ripped jeans. On second thought, that wasn't helping. He looked towards the door instead. Then back to her. Jaina's eyes were... he'd found them horribly tacky at first, but when you looked into them, really looked, you could... He pulled himself together, yet again. Was it just him or was it getting hot in here?

"For a start," he said, "I can mend that slash in your jeans." Of course, you'll have to take them off first. "After that, well, I guess we'll see." If there was a cleverer line, he couldn't think of it. That had always been Suitov's arena too.

Jaina ran her left hand over the taut denim, almost shyly. "I think I'd like that," she said.

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Rewritten because Jainey didn't like being the... initiator. Lady's prerogative, right, boys?

Jaina closed the distance between them with two quick strides. Swiftly, she leaned down, slipped a hand behind his head and crushed her lips passionately against his.

Weft squeaked in surprise. For a second it seemed that his eyes would flutter closed; then he squirmed inhumanly out of her grasp and staggered backwards. It was the only time she'd seen him move clumsily.

"Um," croaked Weft, swallowed a couple of times and tried again. "Don't think I haven't thought about it. But I... can't."

Jaina smiled the smile of a predat oh shit Weft coming must close laptop seeya soon darlings x ^_^